My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
