I think my vagina is haunted
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Randomize
