I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
