Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
When did angry sex become our thing?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
