saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
