I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
