shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
