she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
