guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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