I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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