you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
