I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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