she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
