This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
