Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
