True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
should my penis look like a turkey
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
