tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
