i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
