The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
