ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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