and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
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