I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize