Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
