Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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