I only kidnapped one of them. chill
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
