More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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