we're chasing vodka with high fives
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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