I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
