I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Four minutes until I can fart!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
