Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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