Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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