Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
