I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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