i don't plan on having that self control this summer
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
