But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
