I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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