I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
