you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
