I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
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I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
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It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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