Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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