This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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