Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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