So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
