The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
