What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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