you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
