The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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