I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
