If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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