thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
third nipple confirmed
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
