Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
