i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
