Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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