I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize