we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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