Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I want her autograph on my taint
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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