We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
