DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
