yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
