She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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