Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
