she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We have started to decorate penises.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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