oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
