What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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