i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
