Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
