there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
