I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
