I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....