I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.