you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dating After Heartbreak
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?