i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
how drunk are you?
Several
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
