I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
