I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
