I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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