Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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