Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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