The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
