How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize